Saturday, November 5, 2011

I'm a terrible decision maker.... (A true tale)

So, I had to be up at 7:30 this morning. I knew this. I've known this. So, what would a reasonable person do to make up for this horror? Go to bed early? Say, around midnight? That was the plan.

A bed at midnight. Not pictured: me.

So, what went wrong? Well, I have this friend - let's call him Stephen - who "shares" soda with me. So I ran out much much faster than I should have. We were both disappointed by this, so he and I took a trip to the 24 hour gas station a couple blocks away. After passing a cop pulling over a driver (I'm pretty sure this escalated to an armed standoff while we were in the convenience store - I heard shots ring out), we barely made it there alive through the bitter cold. This was around 1:00 AM. After deciding they didn't have any soda that we wanted, we somehow made the choice to go to Sheetz. They had a greater variety, plus their soda is cheaper, so even if we ended up with something like Coke, it's still worth it. That was the theory.

The Target of convenience stores.
Getgo is the Wal-Mart of convenience stores - more white-trashy.

The problem being, Sheetz is about 3 miles away from campus - and about a 20 minute walk one-way from the store we were currently at. It was about 30 degrees. Soda is sold in flimsy cardboard boxes. And did I mention it was about 1:15 am once we finally left?

We arrive a Sheetz in fairly good time, it only took about 10 minutes to get there, as we both walked quickly and there was no traffic. After looking around for a few minutes, we end up with 3 cases of Coke and a case of Cherry Coke - 2 for each of us to carry back - and we both got an energy drink (the one intelligent thing I did - I knew it would prevent me from dragon-kicking puppies in the morning).

Of course, on the way back the flimsy cardboard on one of the boxes I'm carrying breaks, and I drop it. So now I have a broken box and one of the cans is leaking and I have to take them all out to find it. I sort of let it drain, wiped my fingerprints off of it and left it there. Whatever. So, then, I pack the 11 remaining cans that aren't leaking back into the broken box - which I then I have carefully carry along with my other (still intact) box all the way back to campus. Because it was so cold and they were uncomfortable to carry, we end up stopping several times. This turns a 20 minute walk into about a 45 minute walk. For the record, Stephen also dropped a box, but nothing broke in his. Also on the way back, we passed another pulled over car, this time with two cop cars behind it. Yes, apparently the officer needed reinforcements. Needless to say, I feared for our lives.

Eventually, we get back to campus. I arrive at the door to my building only to find Stephen abandoned his two cases in favor of running inside to "take care of business." So I carry all four back to my dorm, accidentally wake up my roommate, go pee, and go to bed - all around 3:00 AM. About 15 minutes later, Stephen enters my room, and my last words of the night are "Make no mistake, I will kill you" He promptly leaves, I enter dreamland.

This, pretty much.
Yes, that's really me.

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